I decided that I did not want to get married in my early twenties. Still at 31, my decision is even stronger. Marriage is a beautiful thing, very beautiful thing however, in 2018 marriage is rare and different. Is a respected partnership and yet society does not respect it. But this post is not about marriage is really about women independence in 2018. Growing up I was told that to get married , have kids and find you a guy that will support you and that’s the key to success. I don’t know why I was told this because the ladies (god bless their souls ) didn’t show me that was the key to success , lol. The only dude that I dependent on was my dad and that’s only because Im his daughter. I figured the story was false when I was with my first boyfriend. This is the story: He payed for my phone bill and bought me a things here and there but I had a job. One day I had a phone in my hand and he took out of my hand. I told him “give me my phone back “ his response “no because I pay for it so technically is my phone”. That was an ha-ha moment and the following month I payed my own phone and told him I’ll pay my own shit from this point forward. My realization was that he thought he had power over me because he payed for some possessions I had so when I started paying my own shit , I took that power away from him and gave it back to myself. Since then , I never allowed a man to provide for me. Also, I was raised pretty much by an independent women that everything she has she earned herself. The dream was also sold to her as a young girl it was later in her life she realized that a man won’t save you, eventually what you want you have to get it yourself and hold your own so you won’t have to answer to anyone.
I feel we are still in 2018 are teaching girls that the key to success is marriage, kids and a man. We still teaching our girls to fit a glass slipper instead of fitting a crown 👑. I loved Cinderella that’s actually my top 3 favorite animated movies , but is just that a movie and is not reality for me. A man won’t save the day for me , I’ll save the day for myself and with the experiences I’ve faced in life I’ve proven it time and time again. Ultimately, if you want something in life, you have to find a way to get it and you have to stick up for yourself, hustle and get it. I’m not shitting on men and that we don’t need men, we do romantically and boy do I love men. I’m saying is better to hustle for yourself than have someone do it for you because if you continue to depend on someone, when that person leave’s , what will you have left? Nothing wrong with your man catering to you, but learn to be financially , emotionally, professionally, mentally independent. We strive to find the someone that will be right for us but we forget to be right for ourselves. Become the person you want to be around. I also believe many of us, end up with whoever because we don’t want to end up alone but yet we are alone because we are not with the right partner and it goes back because we didn’t become right for ourselves.
Maybe I should tell y’all , my readers why I decided not to get married. I knew that wasn’t my lane. Motherhood is in my lane and is something that will happen however marriage is not for me. I don’t have any emotional connection to it. People say “oh you just haven’t found the one “ , I actually did, he’s my soulmate but came to my life to place me where I’m at today. It wasn’t meant for us stay together, his job was to put in the self love lane. I like having romantic partner however I enjoy being on my own and do things independently. I like making my own decisions.