Boundaries is something I had to set for myself in order to grow and not let people do what they want with me. I was the YES girl, I’m sure other women can relate. I was the girl that extended myself to people just to make them happy even if I was uncomfortable with it but I wouldn’t say anything because I didn’t want any drama. In relationships ill get involved with someone without setting boundaries and they’ll just act like whatever because I allowed them. Boundary is described as “a line that marks the limits of an area; a dividing line” . A stop point you make so people wont invade your energy, setting the tone of who you are and how you should be treated.
2 1/2 years ago I had a mental breakdown, basically I was working no stop from 23 to 29 ish ill say. I just wanted to climb the ladder, learn the skills of the industry and When I reached the position I wanted, I was not happy. I was working non stop and my personal life was in shambles as well. I felt like I lost myself in my own career as well as in life overall. I’ve been analyzing why did I allowed myself to get to a point that I had a meltdown and I was just saying yes to everything because I was a people pleaser. After reading Cara Alwill Leyba’s book “Girl Code” and having important conversations I took back my life. Certain things just didn’t sit well with me like “the way you speaking to me I don’t like how it makes me feel ” or ” I don’t want to do that because it doesn’t make me happy but you want me to do it because it makes you happy and easier for you that I get it done”. It was my fault because I didn’t set boundaries with people so they expected me to accept the things because it made their souls feel good. To break it down into simpler terms, I was filling other’s cups instead of my own and my space was being invaded.
I had to learn what is boundary and how to set them. I was raised with individual that boundaries weren’t in their world as well. They acknowledge their feelings and let people know but yet they still allowed others to invade their space. How am I going to set boundaries if the people around me weren’t, I made a decision on myself that certain things were not to be accepted and if people didn’t like it then is best to walk away from them even if we knew each other for a long time. For example, around the same time I was recovering from my breakdown, I had a fallen out with someone I knew since middle school. I was moving into a direction of self care (mentally, spiritually, physically) and this person was still stuck. Then she began dating someone knew that his energy was all wrong and she started to pick up on it and I had to make a decision to either keep her around me and “try” to help her like I’ve always had or walk away because it wasn’t connecting with my new lifestyle I was building. I chose to walk away and gave her my blessings. When you set boundaries, people are not going to like it and you’ll get talked about, that’s fine with me.
Boundaries is going back to how you treat yourself. Is all connected to self care, self respect, I’m setting boundaries with you and me because I’m respecting myself to not tolerate my energy to be invaded. With setting a divide line with myself I learned that I do not need to constantly explain myself with others. If they don’t get me, then they do not deserve me and we are not for everyone.