I went to planned parenthood to get another birth control option. You go through the questions that the nurse asks you and is nothing new but this time it was different. I’m 31 and the clock is ticking to have a baby but when the nurse asked me if I plan to have a baby in the near I still answer “yeah the future”. My voice said further along but my mind said I don’t know. The truth is I’m scared of motherhood and pregnancy. When my sister gave birth to her first baby I was there and that shit was scary as fuck, I was 19. I’m scared not to give another human being all of me the best of me, more of what I wasn’t given. I’m in a phase in my life where I’m learning how to give the best of me to me before I can give it to someone else. But if theirs an “accident” then so be it but the anxiety and excitement will come in.
Do I want a baby? Yes of course. I had a whole vision board about family goals that I wanted and when I wanted to accomplish it. Then life put me in check, lol I’m very family oriented but I’m also very career oriented. I have much bigger goals in my professional life then my personal life. I want more in life and I do feel that a baby would hold me back because is only been me and I’m always on the go. if a baby comes along I feel it will change it. But also I feel that a lot of raising children responsibilities falls on the women and that’s not fair because a baby takes two not one to make.If I end up in that position, I want to be financial stable to care for another baby. I’ve seen many women that a baby has been a bigger motivation to move ahead in life I hope that’s the case for me. The clock is ticking for me, I see it so I hope that those that ask me when I’m having a baby their nosey little question is answered. I’m nervous of labor, the pain that comes with it. Will I survive the labor? will my baby survive the labor. When my time comes, Ill give my best and hopefully Ill be at my best.